Wondering how soon is too soon to move in with your romantic partner? It’s a common question about a common situation. According to reports released by the Pew Research Center in 2019, 59% of adults between the ages of 18-44 have cohabitated with a romantic partner, and 44% of those adults viewed it as a stepping stone to marriage. But just how soon is too soon to move in with each other, how do you know when it’s the right person to move in with? We break it all down below, so keep reading to find out!
Are There Benefits to Living Together?
According to Geoffrey Leggat, a graduate student at Australia’s La Trobe University, moving in together can have long-lasting and positive effects on your relationship.
Why?
Simply because when you live with someone, you are around that person a whole lot more. And the more time you spend time with someone, the more likely they are to influence you with their behavior.
For example, historically, married people have better physical and mental health than their single peers. This can be attributed to the existence of their live-in partner, who would most likely like their SO to stick around for a while. This can serve as a second set of eyes around matters of mental and physical health.
Additionally, moving in together has been proven to help couples save money, help men drink less, and help both partners hit the gym more. Of course, if you move in with a partner that has a dangerous lifestyle of unhealthy habits, all of those things are likely to wear off on you as well.
How Soon Does the Average Couple Move in Together?
While every relationship is different, queer couples move in together much faster than their heteronormative counterparts. Generally speaking, same-gender couples average six months of dating before moving in together, while heteronormative couples average two years.
How Do We Know We’re Ready to Move in Together?
There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to dating, cohabitation, and marriage. So when you find yourself questioning if it might be time to move in together, it’s best to look for the green flags in your relationship that point to successful cohabitation. These flags can be the following:
You and Your Partner Are on the Same Page
The most important thing you and your partner can do when questioning how soon is too soon to move in together is be sure that you are both on the same page. What are your life goals, and do they align with each other’s? Moving in together can often be the first step in a long-term commitment, so it is important to make sure that you discuss each other’s desires and make sure they align.
For example, does one of you want to have children, and the other doesn’t? While in the early stages, it is easy to gloss over life preference differences, but it gets harder and harder as the relationship dynamic progresses and you become more and more enmeshed. Be sure to have completely honest conversations so you both understand exactly where the other partner stands on important issues.
You’ve Met Each Other’s Friends
Meeting and getting to know your partner’s friends and family is a wonderful way to gauge who your partner is and how they might fit into your life. If you’re lucky, you’ll find that the two of you have a lot in common with their loved ones—and if not, it can be an opportunity for some good-natured ribbing over shared interests, laughs at inside jokes, or even just the chance to see what you have in common with them.
Plus, meeting each other’s friends shows that you both are committed to showing up in one another’s lives outside of the romantic bubble you have formed. And if you live together, you’ll be seeing your partner’s friends a lot more!
You Maintain Open and Honest Communication
Having good communication skills is paramount to having a successful relationship, and living together is no exception. When you live together, it’s common for frustrations to arise at times, so making sure that you know how to properly communicate will aid in deescalating conflict and fostering a positive home.
You Give Each Other Personal Space
As we mentioned before, moving in with a new person can be incredibly exciting. But when moving in together, it can also be common to find new frustrations and even have big fights. Having alone time in your own space allows you to recharge your batteries and focus on your own needs, and it is vital that you and your partner understand the importance of giving each other personal space.
Having the physical space to decompress and recharge is vitally important in a long-term relationship, so before you move in under the same roof, be sure to set out clear expectations about what each of your boundaries are. This will help you both feel more comfortable and confident before and after you move in together. And remember, giving each other space doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. In fact, it can strengthen your bond by allowing you to appreciate and respect each other’s individuality!
You’re out of the Honeymoon Phase
Licensed marriage and family therapist Neha Prabu says couples should focus more on the “why” of moving in together than the “when.” And, while we agree that it is always incredibly important to understand exactly why you are moving in together, it’s generally a good idea not to move in together if you’re still in the honeymoon phase.
During this phase, you’re still getting to know your partner, and it’s hard to not be blinded by love. Sure, moving in with your partner during this stage can work out, but for the most part, it places a lot of pressure and expectations on the young relationship.
You’ve Had the ‘Money Talk’
One of the more essential conversations to have with your partner before moving in together, the dreaded “money talk,” can certainly make you feel anxious, but it will be well worth it in the end. This is especially true if you are both motivated to move in together because you would be saving money in the long run.
But take a deep breath, because the money talk really isn’t that bad. Simply find a time to sit with your partner and discuss finances. Consider both your living expenses and spending habits. Do the two of you make the same amount of money, or does one partner make more? If you are renting, how are you going to split the rent and pay the utilities?
Be sure to realize that this conversation is the beginning of many, as having these types of conversations can greatly contribute to a long-lasting relationship.
So How Soon Is Too Soon to Move in Together? It Depends!
As we’ve discussed, there really is no official timeline for when to move in together. But remember, you should never feel pressured to move in with your partner. And if they exhibit other warning signs, like controlling behavior, ulterior motives, or strong emotions that lead to them lashing out at you, then it might be time to rethink the relationship altogether.
But if they happen to show lots of green flags and you feel ready to take the second step with them, then by all means, move in together!
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